Forget Everyone Else: "The person we should always try and surprise and impress is ourself"

The Mean Girls Of The Blogging Community: "The blogging world appears very inviting and very friendly, but is it really?"

My Cringy Experience With A Christain Grey Type: "Get to know someone, don't spit in their ear and avoid showing them your box on your second meeting."

How To Survive A 1st Date: "Never feel you have to end a good date with a kiss. If you're not comfortable, say no firmly"

Friday, 1 January 2016

Posted by Ordinarily Quirky On 11:48
6 Things You Must Know When Starting Online Dating

This is part one of two segments linked to online dating. I'll start off by saying I've had my fair share of experiences and because of this, I've learned a lot. So for anyone thinking 2016 will bring you love online, make sure you keep these life experience tips in mind when you do so!

Part 2 will outline my AWFUL experiences with men when I encountered the scene of online dating. Ugh *shivers*

1. If you're going to set up a profile, don't feel you have to post a picture of yourself.

Yes, it can increase your chances of more people messaging you and blowing up your ego with all the attention, but even employers can find you on dating websites to see what you say. You have to be careful what you post online because anyone can see it. Dating sites are clever in the way your pictures are private so when you do message someone you like, go on and share that sexy mush of yours! Just be wise about it.

2. Put restrictions on your inbox.
I've had old men of 80 message me looking for "fun" and even couples into swinging! Yes it can be entertaining to get these random messages, but overall, you're allowing yourself to get targeted by anyone of any age, and messages and pictures can become pretty graphic. Save yourself the eye sores and block certain types from mailing you.

3. Keep a first date just a first date.

Do not arrange for anything more than a coffee, or a drink. Just keep in mind to have a first date run as far as 2-3 hours at the very maximum. If you like each other you'll have loads of time to see each other again, but if you don't like each other and want to get away, you know you can down that drink and suddenly have a million things to do! 

"I'm just so buuuuusy!!"

4. Never get in a car with a stranger.  
If you meet in a public place you will both have to make your own way back, so don't arrange a date where they pick you up or you meet them and drive somewhere else. It's not worth it. So many news stories go around about how someone disappeared and going somewhere by bus for the sake of arriving home alive is worth being a bus wanker!

 5. If you're uneasy in any way, get the fuck out.
You will get instinct vibes, whether good or bad, don't dismiss them. You can't get to know someone within the matter of a few hours, but we all have our instinct for a reason and that reason is to sense danger. It's just programmed in, so don't assume you're being silly or judgmental if you feel him touching you up is too much, but also don't assume overly sexual gestures as a sign of flirting. Everyone has their limits and you're within your rights completely to say get the fuck off me or I will scream, whether your a guy or girl!
"Stop that!"

6. Lastly, you don't even need to go there.
The way online dating has gone these days, it's more a golden pages for who's horny and looking for a bit. Everyone deserves more than sitting at home messaging randomers in the hopes they like you. Fuck them! If you want to meet up with people go ahead, but don't feel that because you're single and you've no local potentials that online dating is the only other option. Google ways to meet people, Google knows everything! But my advice would leave online dating as your utter most last option! Because everything is not what it seems online!

I hope you guys learned something from this post, other than the fact I am a complete dope (or was!). Online dating can swing both ways, but from my experience, my advice would be you're better than that, and if you're feeling lonely, kittens make great company! 

Happy New Year everybody! Toodle-loo! :)

Posted by Ordinarily Quirky On 11:37
Guaranteed Tips To Get Your Ex Back! 

We've all done it. Cried, begged and pleaded for a relationship not to go under. But how attractive is that? If someone decides to leave you, realistically, you sobbing your heart out leaving your dignity behind you isn't going to make the person think "Oh, I love you when you're face is covered in salty tears, do me!" HA! Doubt it. If someone does love to see you cry, well c'mon that's an obvious one. Get the hell away from them!

Anyways, even if you have done all of the above, you can still redeem yourself. How would I know? Because I've been there and I used these techniques that made my ex come running like a puppy. Read on to reveal my secrets! ;)

1. Don't block or delete them on sites you were glued together on. 

You want them to see all the fake fun you're having and then in the long run the real fun you're having. Do this by avoiding statuses about how sad and depressed you're feeling and substitute them with "Can't WAIT to go out at the weekend!" or something along those lines, even if you're not. How do they know you're at home in bits, unless you broadcast it? So better yet, broadcast your fake happiness and new found freedom. They wouldn't be expecting it and become confused at how easily you "got over it", most likely resulting in some form of contact. Which you're too busy to respond to, remember?! ;)

2. Always post going out pictures with you looking reeeal sexy!

Two people who were once always on each other 24/7 are now having no contact whatsoever. And no matter what anyone says, in relationships, along with being attracted to personality, you fall for how they look too, flaws and all. So for them to see these pictures of you at your best when really you could be wearing fuzzy socks and jammies (pjs!), they begin to remember little things they miss about you. How you kiss, the way you smell, certain clothes you wear. All because you posted pictures of you showing off your best assets, forcing them to miss what they lost.

3.Never complain about how upset you are. No one actually cares and WILL take the piss out of you.

I'm a full believer in misery loves company. But that doesn't last long. There's only so much whinging and wining people can take before they stop talking to you and just happen to awkwardly avoid you everytime they see you. This is because no one likes to hear others complain. It drains everyone involved of their energy, happiness and effort of living. It's so dull! A support system is vital for you at this stage and to make the most of it, be someone others want to be around. Say "Fuck him!" when they ask if you're missing your ex and turn "I miss them" into an "I can't believe I even went there, ugh!" 

4. Remember, they're NOT God's gift, so stop thinking they are.

When we miss someone, we have a problem of envisioning our life being so grim without them. We reminisce the good times, pretending bad times never happened, even if bad times occurred more than good. This will make it harder to let go and more likely to desperately beg for them back. Exs are exs for a reason and holding onto someone who you shouldn't be with anymore because you're ignoring your instinct to accept the break up is unfair to your future self, who is living happily with the right person. Yet, the longer you're with the wrong one, the longer the right one will be sitting around going "When will this yoke come and take me away to our paradise land full of sexytime and chocolate?!"

. In time, you will see your ex again and they will either get extremely, deathly, skinny and think they look amazing (like my ex did, he really didn't look amazing at all),fat, or have this awful personality that you once thought was charm but has turned into complete rudeness. Either way you will talk to/see them and realise they ain't all that! 

You'll be surprised. By doing this, chances are they'll come back for your attention and it will turn out that when they do come back, you won't want them! 

I know this from experience, all of which came from a first 'love' which turned out to be anything but. He thought he was a great one dumping me at HIS debs infront of all his friends, in which I made sure I did all of the above However, this was after 4 solid days of begging and crying desperately (so shameful!). Low and behold, by changing my tactic from desperate to oblivious of his existence, he came back 2 weeks later. The reason I think this happened was because I went to his house to collect my things, waltzed in with a big smile on my face and beamed as I walked past him and back out the door! He was mind boggled so much that he showed up in my town, requested to meet up but nope, I turned him down, making sure he knew I was interested in someone else. This was harsh and maybe I should have given a second chance, but when you know there's nothing to go back to, what's the point? If I did, I'd just be lugging around with someone who just wasn't right for me whatsoever while pretending they were. 

Plus, I wouldn't be in such a happy place right now with my Darrypops <3

To mend a broken heart you have to stay clear from the one who caused it to break. Those who are worth a second chance stick around to make sure they clean up the mess instead of leaving you to mend it yourself.

Keep the ball in your court peeps :)

P.S. If these don't work, then clearly cupid has his eye on someone much more worth your time, go get 'em!!

Posted by Ordinarily Quirky On 08:07
Bye, Bye, Facebook!

Just like any ordinary person, I spend a lot of my free time scanning Facebook and browsing. And lately, I've started researching more about the reasons to be rid of it.

One issue that comes up a lot is how Facebook is a data sharer, basically meaning big companies pay Facebook big money to be sold a heap of individual identities. In normal words, all of my statuses, pictures, names, friends and check-ins are sold to product companies who aim their products at me to increase the chances of me buying them. Here's Facebook's fine print:

 And to make it sound a little more weirder, that'd be like a friend of yours who secretly records all of your conversations, takes pictures of you 24/7 and sells these to random strangers. Facebook seems a bit Big Brotherish now doesn't it?!

But the thing is, Facebook can do this because we openly share our entire lives on Facebook. From how we're feeling to what we ate for breakfast, to who we're flirting with and who we're blocking. So Facebook isn't the problem. It's us and our comfortability with making everything public.

Other than the data sharing aspect of it, Facebook is a soul sucking demon. Instead of making people communicate more, it's actually making our relationships shittier. A lot of people say, myself included, "the only reason I keep Facebook is to stay in contact with people." But out of your 500+ friends, how many proper conversations do you have with them? 

We're all beginning to believe by us 'liking' or 'commenting' on another person's post or status, that automatically means we are 'in contact' with them. But that's bullshit. That's like when you're in a queue and someone comments on the wait taking forever and you half laugh and agree. That's what a 'like' is in real life. That's it!! A Facebook like is a half laugh.

We are spending our time half laughing at things other people say because they want to get as many people as possible to half laugh with them for a brief moment of acceptance and the feeling of being 'social'. 

So the way it portrays itself as allowing people to keep in better contact is stupid really, because I know that the majority of people I talk to on a regular basis, I text, call or talk to in person. The reason for having Facebook is like having a phone book of all the people you've ever met in your life "just incase" there's a day you need to contact them. Otherwise, you don't communicate and they just sit there, streaming through your business like you do with them. It's a vicious cycle that results in people knowing so much about others that it means no one has anything to talk about face to face. That's why it's so common to see a room full of people scrolling like zombies on their phones to see what everyone's doing, instead of absorbing the moment they're in and making connections with the people currently around them.

The big aspect of Facebook is literally the amount of time wasted throughout the day that is filled by uninterested scrolling of my newsfeed. Check out this site Time Wasted On Facebook Generator where for fun it gives you an estimated amount of time you've wasted on Facebook by asking you roughly how much time you spend on it and uses your log in to calculate. I wanted my results to be fairly accurate and said I would spend atleast 3 hours a day on Facebook between scrolling for 5 minutes now and again, to sitting on the bus up and back home, relaxing in the evening, checking it in the morning, etc. So 3 hours is probably under what it actually is, but anyways. This was my result:

202 Days 12 Hours 18 Minutes

That is a fucking prison sentence! 

I have NO idea what I spent on Facebook all that time and it all accumulates to nearly a year of time sat like a zombie!! I do it all the time and could pass an entire afternoon just blankly staring at the screen. It's the first thing I check in the morning, the last thing I check at night, it's always there! And we feel a shred of excitement if we ever do get that one inbox message or those few notification because we feel like someone is noticing us and that we're 'in the know'.

Yet the feeling of being noticed is closed linked to FOMO = The Fear Of  Missing Out. This is the name given to people who feel they couldn't be without Facebook as a result of thinking they won't know what's going on. Going from absorbing tonnes of other people's information to just talking to a few close friends about what's going on can be daunting.

But this is what life was like before 2004 when Facebook was invented. People had Bebo and Myspace, but we checked it maybe once a day at most. It wasn't on our Nokia phones to see 24/7 what was going on, and we would of spent more time outside in the summer instead of inside taking selfies. 

The one thing I know I'd regret is knowing I lived my life just to promote it on Facebook. Even I'll admit any pictures or statuses I put up are to boast about what I'm doing or who I'm with, but that's what everyone does. It's socially acceptable. And this is why people feel more depressed the more time they spend scrolling Facebook and being in contact with over 500 people. They see people who are doing great money-wise, relationship-wise, career-wise, seeing people transform their looks in model material while you continue browsing and feeding your sadness that your life isn't as great.

But guess what. NO Facebook life is as it seems. People post up what they want people to believe, yet think about it. If they were really having that much fun, the last thing on their mind would be "I want to put this on Facebook!". However, that's the time we live in now. Everything we do must be published on Facebook and some people can't imagine life without it. It's making us all more narcissistic (basically the more selfies you take, the more up yourself you are and the more approval you need from everyone else!) 

I don't want that. I want to be able to enjoy days and nights out properly, not being glued to my phone to update my every move or see who else is out. I want to live in the moment where any free time is spent going for a walk, making a phone call, writing or reading. I want to put effort into all of my relationships by communicating with those who matter properly through Skype, Snapchat or texting/calling. Liking and commenting on things gives us a false reality of having so many friends. But that's not reality, and the sad truth is that many of the people on our Facebook would easily pass us on the street and/or have an awkward small talk conversation if in our presence because they'd feel rude if they didn't.

Facebook make sure it's really hard for you to leave too by saying you can come back within 2 weeks by logging back in and your account won't be deleted. That's why so many go back. It's because they suddenly feel "Shit, no! I made a mistake!" *logs back in* "Ahh, I made it :)" #BackInMyComfortZone! And I'm not the only one who wants to leave.

"Earlier this year, reports suggested that Facebook lost nine million active monthly users in the U.S and two million in Britain." (Daily Mail, 2013) Their reasons were because of privacy, "shallow conversations" and the "social pleasure of adding friends."
It's not unknown how difficult Facebook makes it if you want to leave. Firstly it shows pictures of your friend's profiles saying they don't want you to go. Then it asks for your reason which Facebook then tries to persuade you with other options. For example, if you selted privacy issues, it would give you advice on changing your settings. Then it informs you that you can take a break from it by deactivating your account and coming back later until finally it says your account will be deleted within 2 weeks of your request. 

That is so much shit just to get off a social media website!! They use 4 persuasive techniques to keep you there and make it as difficult as possible for you to leave, because Facebook relies on it's users to make money through selling your identity. But if your identity isn't online, then they can't share or sell your information.

The benefits are having the freedom to put that spare time into actually looking at what's happening around you. We've grown up with it in our early teens and have slowly formed this shape of looking down at a screen.  

But by deleting my Facebook, I want to rise my head up and use my senses to appreciate everything around me. I won't appreciate it all by checking it in on a status update, oh no. But I'll be more in tune with life's opportunities and this will result in me enjoying my life better without submerging myself in all of the drama, isolation, fake friendships and ex stalking that causes so many of us to feel empty when logging into that big, blue screen. Yes, I won't be 'in the know' 24/7, but everything I need to know will find it's way to me, and knowing everyone's business isn't something I need to know any more. I've grown from that. 

We don't need Facebook in our lives. All we need is to make an effort in life again, and stop allowing Facebook to take over all of our free time we have from work, school, college and put it into good uses such as our hobbies: writing, music, reading, painting, running and walking. 

Stop using Facebook as an excuse to fill insecurities with selfies and likes, to make you feel that you're making an effort with your friends and family just because they're in your friends list and forget the fear of not being able to promote the good things happening in your life because those who are happy for you will tell you instead of 'liking' it.

Life is full of simple pleasures, all that can be missed when scrolling, but all can be re-lived when we look up from our screens.

Bye bye Facebook :)

Thursday, 31 December 2015

Posted by Ordinarily Quirky On 08:31
One Night Stands Don't Lead To True Love

One night stands don't lead to long term relationships. That's just how it is. I mean, how could they?

I'll explain why through a make believe scenario. Here, we have the scene on a night where a one night stand will happen:

From a girl's point of view:

"This guy must really like me! He's buying me drinks, he paid for dinner, he even compliments me all the time! He's so nice, I wouldn't dream of turning down an opportunity to spend more time with him. I wonder is he a good kisser?! Or what he's storing downstairs, hmm! ;)"

From a guy's point of view: 

"She is gorgeous! I can't stop looking at her. The figure. Her smile. She keeps laughing with me and touching my arm. I'm in there! Just don't forget her name, eh, Maria was it? Shit. Pay attention! Look at eyes, not at boobs. Look at eyes  not at boobs! Yeah, I'm doing her tonight."

So we have a girl and a guy flirting at a bar, having great banter and liking each other's company. The drinks are flowing, the vision's a little blurry and both sides begin to think physical contact is better now because verbal communication is going down hill. Slurring isn't sexy, or understandable. But touching, groping and sloppy kissing says so much more!

And the sexy time commences. In the girl's mind, she's thinking how nice it is to be this close to a guy she likes and he's thinking not to come too quickly. She tries to make eye contact to make the moment more magical, but he doesn't look at her face. She thinks nothing of this and the guy soon finishes. Badda-Bing, Badda-Boom! Sleep time!

The next morning:

From a girl's point of view:

I hope he doesn't think I'm a slut. I couldn't resist him though. We had a great connection so I know he'll ring/text me later. My parents would get on with him so well. I can imagine my sister thinking he's so good looking and my brother can talk to him about rugby! Ahh, so happy. Can't wait to see him again! Maybe he'll invite me to the cinema to see that film we talked about last night. Buzzing!"

From a guy's point of view:

"Done and dusted! That was easy. No surprises there. I thought she'd be a bit more of a challenge, but obviously not. Can't believe how willing she was to stay! I thought she'd never leave! Can't imagine dealing with that for 50 years. 50 years having that sex with her forever?! No thank you! I'd rather someone who'd make it a bit more interesting. She probably gives it up to anyone anyways. Number deleted! Hmm, I'm starving..."

I'm aware that the scenarios are very much judging girls to be desperate, clingy and idealistic and the guys to be dickheads wanting to do anything with a pulse. But really peeps, this does happen,and I'm sure a lot of people have been in similar situations where one felt things were going great and the other just wanted one thing and then legged it. Whether you're a guy or girl, this shit goes on. 

Days and weeks pass with no more contact between the guy and girl and the girl feels like shit. She exposed her flaps to someone who doesn't even remember her name let alone want her number, so what was achieved by having sex on the first encounter? Nothing whatsoever!

 Or in another scenario, they meet up again, have sex and part ways in the same old pattern that would result in their relationship" fizzling out altogether. Either way, this situation could NEVER develop into a relationship.

Here's Why:

1. Both have experienced full sex with the other and so have left nothing to the imagination.

2. There's no chasing, flirting or challenge involved.

3. Half the fun is getting to know someone, but if sex happens during the first meeting, after a while, things get boring.

4. Chances are, you have nothing in common other than physical appearance, which is why one or both would rather sex than sitting together in a room chatting, so what would be the point in a relationship where 50% is chatting and communicating?

5. Sex is easy for people to have with strangers because there's no emotional attachment, unless you're totes clingy and really liked their bits and pieces! And so there's no risk of getting hurt with the added pleasure of getting some, it's a win win!

6. Realistically, I believe if someone doesn't have to work hard at all to get you into bed, they will subconsciously see you as an easy hunt and someone not worth the effort. Why? Because you gave them your all in one go and there's nothing left to look forward to.

I've seen a lot of people in a "relationship" who just have sex, don't put much effort into relationship aspects such as dates, getting to know family and friends, and basically live in a little bubble without mixing the other person into any other parts of their life other than in the bedroom. Because of this, the pattern of regularly getting hurt is obvious. This is because one person goes off with someone else, the reason being that person doesn't want a relationship with the other and/or knows the other will take them back regardless, so it doesn't actually matter if they cheat on them or not. 

So in this sense, yes relationships can form from one night stands (aka sex with a stranger during first day/night of meeting) and starting off with sex before getting to know the person, but the chances are they will end up being in a relationship where break ups are frequent, cheating is regular and at least one person is always getting hurt who is subsequently the one who goes back. All because of the first impression of giving yourself away so quickly. And it won't last either.

A one night stand is called a one night stand for a reason. It should only be ONE night. 

After that, leave them be and find someone who is worth knowing you as a person as well as a lover. Trust me, it's worth it over one moment of jizzing with a stranger! Or better yet, keep them guessing and do it AFTER you get to know them ;)

Keep it in your pants guys, even for a little while. You know it makes sense and you'll be glad you did in the end!

:) <3

What do you guys think? Can sex turn into a relationship? I'd love to hear your side of things!

Posted by Ordinarily Quirky On 06:34
The 'Mean Girls' Side To The Blogging Community

The blogging community is like a little hole in Twitter for, mostly girls (from what I've seen), to pretend to like each other just for the sake of having more followers than someone else. It's like the movie Mean Girls acted out in the blogging world. 

Let me explain.

I've admittedly become a Tweet-head and used Twitter for communicating with other bloggers, getting feedback about my own blog as well as discussing opinions about things I write and things other people write. 

To a stranger browsing through the tweets and contents, the blogging world appears very inviting and very friendly. People are paying each others compliments, following each other and retweeting each other's blog posts for better recognition.

From an insiders point of view, you know what I've seen over the last month and a half as an Underdog Blogger in the community? Complete bullshit.

To survive in the blog community, you have to read other people's blogs and give genuine comments about their posts which makes sense because you want people to do the same for you. Read your stuff and hopefully have an opinion on it. I've begun to do this and found some great writers and people who are writing for the love of writing which actually makes them really nice people too.

Then you have 

The Fakers.

1. Follow Me So I Look Better!

The Fakers are these people who have a lot of followers compared to someone like me, the Underdog Blogger, and you think "Wow, they must be great at writing!" and as naive as I was, I would tweet to them and think they were really nice. But after a month and a half, I began to realise I was just being used by them for their own blog promotion and they didn't give a toss about me or my writing.

 Some people are great bloggers and deserve the recognition they get, but others... Wow, in a different sense. Some people, for the sake of social appearance, follow other blogs on the condition that they are followed back. NO interest in the other person, what they write or tweet about. The Fakers just want high follow numbers to feel a sense of worth. I believe this is both trashy and shows how some people are more focused selfishly about their being "The Best" and use others to enhance their publicity instead of working alongside others.

You'll notice on my Twitter, my followers are roughly 130-140, and over a month and a half, I'm quite proud of that! But you know why it's not higher? Because I don't do this superficial "Follow for a Follow". I read other people's blogs, I follow them if I like their writing, and if they follow me back or not is their business. And this takes time, something I have recently because I'm on holidays, but when they're up, so is my time that's used to get to know other writers.

 Following others just so you can gain another follower proves that these bloggers gain more satisfaction by a high number rather than writing good quality content. And these don't deserve to be classed as writers as their sole purpose is using others for self-recognition.

2. Blog 24/7 Or Your Blog Dies!

I've also come to realise, you have to spend 24/7 blogging to keep your followers growing and to keep people reading. So to survive in the blogging community, you have to compete, compete, compete. I've become aware of how there are blogger chats every day on Twitter, usually around 7-8pm my time, and those who are proactive in these chats or are regulars, normally have more readers/followers. But who has time for that? I know I don't, so I don't take part that regularly!

I'm on Easter holidays, which is why I have been able to see how these chats work. But otherwise, when I'm in college, having snug time with Darren, or realising there's a world OUTSIDE of technology, it doesn't leave a lot of time for chatting. So to compete with bloggers who just blog forever, you're fucked in a way. This is because they have the time to spare and use every waking moment to write and work hard towards bettering their blog and fair play to those guys! 

And then there's the Fakers who tweet all day about their mulitple blogs and write anything that is not worthy of reading. 

3. Be One Of My Sheep 

Lastly, to conclude my rant at the in genuine aspect of the blogging community, is how there are cliques, and God forbid you don't want to become a part of it. This is because, again, they will bring all of their posse with them and leave your blog without "their support".

One group, which I grew sceptical of their intentions early on, was looking for people to write for their new blog and they asked me along with everyone else seen to be a part of the clique.

 And I declined. Why? Because they were building a blog based on OTHER people's writing. They had themes and posts to correspond with these themes, but barely any of the bloggers who started this blog wrote anything! AGAIN proving my point that they can't write and use other people's skills to gain publicity and popularity. I wasn't going to use my quick-wit, swearing and so I've been told 'humour' to benefit them for their blog's foundation.

I'm all for guest posting for other people and vice versa to help, but building your blog based on other blogger's submissions? Alriiiight.

Since then, I was shown the darker side to these bloggers who tried to start an argument with me through my inbox and I'm like "I don't even know you lot, you're giving out, yet I don't even know your name..." Lols. 

What made it bitchy? Because on the blog, they appeared 100% dedicated to other people, but behind that, they showed me that they were only focused on themselves for blog promotion and self gain. And that's what makes me laugh at bloggers who try to come across as inspiring writers who want to rid the world of everything negative. And yes, I have posts that are positively written, but I also have these not-so-happy posts. And to me, this is what writing is. Being honest, being direct but most importantly...

It's writing about things that others are too afraid to acknowledge

Such as the blogging community having a huge amount of girls competing to be the best and as a result, reeks of fake compliments, behind the back bitching and gaining sheep as followers to be seen as 'popular'.

And for this post I will probably be shunned. But atleast I took the time to write what I thought and didn't write with "This should get me lots of followers!" in the back of my mind. More so with thoughts of "This is wrecking my head, I'm going to give out about it online."

What do you guys think? Have you ever noticed any of the above going on in the blogging community? Comment all and any opinions below, I'd love to hear what you think!