Friday, 3 July 2015

Posted by Ordinarily Quirky On 14:27
Cheating - Will It Stop If You Know Their Facebook Password?

Technology is so big these days that we basically have our entire lives connected to it in some way, shape or form. The problem comes when technology such as social media (like Facebook, Snapchat and Twitter) is used to hide things like flirting, sexing and organising meetings with someone who is not your other half.

I know this because I've been on both ends of doing the cheating online to meet up with someone who wasn't the guy I was with at the time and also being cheated on by someone with Facebook being involved.

My question is a big question with different answers. Because social media can allow us to privately message people behind other peoples backs, delete messages as if they were never sent and hide a different life from our other half, should this mean we should have access to our other halfs passwords and log ins to make sure this doesn't happen?

My answer: 


I say this because when I was the one doing the cheating, I know for a fact the cheating would have happened regardless of access to Facebook or not because I wasn't happy in the relationship. So it would have happened on a night out or through text, etc. Either way, I would have cheated on that guy because I was young, felt over powered by him and was isolated from my friends and family. Plus, he was a dickhead and I was a coward. If he had access to my passwords, the cheating obviously wouldn't have happened online because I would have been aware of him being able to see what I was doing and would have found a different way of being sneaky. And that's what happens these days to a lot of people.

If you know your boyfriend or girlfriend's password on Facebook, Twitter or on their phone, it doesn't mean that you guys are proving you have nothing to hide, that your relationship is 100% honest or that cheating will never happen in your relationship because that's bullshit. 

People cheat either because they're unhappy, because they know if they do cheat, their other half will take them back regardless so they might as well and/or because they don't have the courage to break up with the person and so fill their void with someone else as a distraction. 

And they will cheat whether you have their passwords or not.

Personally, I did know a boyfriend's password for Facebook and I found it made me even more paranoid after cheating had happened to me on it. I would forever be on edge if he got a notification, a message, even a friend request and that's not a relationship. That's paranoia and it doesn't belong in a healthy relationship. The cheating situation was resolved and although I had the password for ages, I convinced him to change it because I felt in my eyes, if he was going to cheat a second time, I wasn't going to stop him. I also wouldn't be with him if it happened again.

The thing is, if you're so worried about being cheated on and you live in fear that your current boyfriend or girlfriend will do the dirt on you, knowing their passwords isn't going to help the relationship. Yes, it will stop them talking to people behind your back on it, but there's so many other ways to communicate to people. E-mail, snapchat, all ways that are used to this day to connect and flirt with people you shouldn't be flirting with if in a relationship.

The best advice to give about this is if you were cheated on once and you feel a second chance should be given, then do it so you won't be constantly wondering "What if I gave them a second chance? Would they cheat again?". I strongly believe in second chances and who knows, maybe the first cheating incident was a genuine mistake. But then again, if it's repeated, you know that it is a pattern that won't be fixed by knowing their password to every media outlet they have. 

If cheating is recurring in your relationship, the fault isn't with social media, the fault is with your relationship.

Recurring cheating does NOT make your relationship stronger or make you two closer. It allows the cheater to use you, laugh at you behind your back and take advantage of you. It also destroys your self worth, your confidence and your ability to feel independent because you feel you can't do any better than them. 

Don't put yourself into the position of paranoid other half. Give them their privacy and if they abuse their right to it, let them. But also...

Turn around, walk away and remind them that they can spend all of their time chatting and flirting to who they like, but you won't be one of them.

Everyone deserves better than being someone's second best. You deserve better than feeling you have to watch their every move online to make sure they don't leave you for someone else. Does that sound like a relationship you want to indulge in? I wouldn't want to anyways. Easier said than done, but as I said, if cheating is recurrent, you can't blame access to social media as the problem, or believe stopping them from talking to everyone else in the world will hinder cheating too. If they stray, maybe they're not meant to be with you. And that's okay because every break up is one step closer to the person you're meant to be with. But don't allow yourself to be walked all over and driven crazy over Facebook, Twitter or who they're snapchatting/texting, etc. 

Everything happens the way it's supposed to. Don't try and control it. Let it be and you will land where you're meant to be with who you're supposed to be with.



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