Friday, 3 July 2015

Posted by Ordinarily Quirky On 18:24
When A Friend Turns Into An Enemy


This has to be the most nerve-wrecking post I've written because of all the abuse that has been thrown at me over the last 24 hours. It's like the Salem Witch Hunts during modern day times! People toss the word bullying around and automatically you're labelled all kinds of atrocious names and soon you feel like everyone is out to get you. I was in two minds about whether to write this, but certain events which I will describe are the reason for it.


As some of you may know, I had a blog post up yesterday entitled "Losing A Best Friend" and it was a tough piece for me to write because of the situation that's in it. I discuss my experience of how and why I lost my best friend along with the names being generalised so they're not specific. The thing is, because that person in particular read it and related it to her, and she's probably one of very few who related it to her anyways, a rage of anger occurred in her, but hey, if the shoe fits love!

Not by my ex-best friend though, who we will generalise even more as No.1. You'd think she would of contacted me personally if she felt she was being attacked in the post. But oh no. I received 2 missed calls and 2 repeated texts telling me that it was my ex-best friend's mother and she wanted to talk to me. Flash backs of secondary school wizzed around me and I laughed because I was amazed she had sent her mother after me. A girl of 22 and she didn't even have the balls to say "hey bitch, stop writing about me." You know, like a normal, mature person would of that age, but nope.


So I let her mother have her rant because in my eyes I understood that she was on her daughter's side. But I believe her anger was more because she found out about her daughter's antics that I discussed, which are completely true regardless of how much it's denied, and so this anger was unleashed on me. I, however, remained calm and allowed her to speak and she asked I take down the blog to which I said I have no problem taking it down. My collected manner seemed to infuriate her more and she began shouting at me down the phone. A woman in her 50's, who relished in her threats about ringing the Guards and organising legal advice about how I degraded her daughter's character. She  asked me what was wrong with me, that I needed help and to "see a priest" (Ha!) as well as saying she was "more than capable to take me on".


Fact is, I can't help it if the daughter did what she did (which will be explained properly in a minute). She used my place as an excuse when she organised meetings with an ex, who I also have not named I might add. My dad has also stuck by this who is well aware of her behaviour, yet he didn't go abusing anyone down the phone.

Anyway, after the mother rudely hung up on me, I was in disbelief at how my writing of events from my perspective affected people so much. I was talking with my dad and Darren for about half an hour when I noticed my phone had another 2 texts, the last one which read:

   "How sad your dull life is that you have to put up that. Take it down. Attention seeking you score A1. We are going to the Guards."

Ok, let's set the scene here shall we! You're in your 20's and you have a row with your friend. You write about it in general without mentioning names and because they relate what you wrote, they freak out. But yet they say nothing to you. They let Mammy handle the battle. You may be doing a Masters, but that sounds like you should be in my work experience Montessori room to be honest!


While this text was read, I was already in the process of deleting my blog post, so hounding and harassing me through text wasn't making a difference. My internet's slow. I live up the mountain. 


So it was deleted and I rang her to let her know just so I wouldn't have anymore texts. I was answered with a polite "Hello?" which I didn't get. She was telling me half an hour ago I needed my head tested and to go see a priest, literally, now she was all sweetness and light? ALriiiight!

The conversation went like this:

Me: "I only rang to tell you the post has been deleted."

No. 1's Mam: *Silence* "You know, Chloe, I really liked you but..."

*I cut her off*

Me: "Listen, I only rang to say the blog post was deleted. Nothing more needs to be said so we can leave it at that."

No.1's Mam: "Fuck you, Ms. Keegan! Fuck you!"

*I hang up*

Now, before people start throwing legal shit at me again and threatening me with lying and spreading more 'rumours' as well as involving Guards, I have 2 witnesses to this phone call. I held the phone away from my ear as this woman proceeded to shout abuse at me until I hung up and 2 people heard the shouting.

And I need my head tested?


But I wasn't phased. I knew the situation had been dealt with and it was done and dusted.
Or so I thought.

The impression of taking the blog post down was because they didn't like me publicly expressing my feelings online. Yet I get a text from my friend saying No. 1 had written a PUBLIC status about me. But when I read it, it was like my writing. By this, I mean generalised, not mentioning names and related to what I had done. So what's the difference between that status and what I write?


A status which accused me of cyber bullying. I didn't know cyber bullying was talking about the events in your life. Oh no, wait, I'm getting confused, apparently cyber bullying is someone reading something that's written in general with no names and reacting to it so much they put up their own status out of revenge!

Makes sense. The status read "I'm taking the high ground on this one" yet you just accused me of cyber bullying on a public page. Is that not why you wanted me to take down my blog post?


So an army of likes and comments from her new peer group and family aimed about me were published and I felt completed targeted. I had deleted the post and I thought it was all dealt with? But because of this status, I felt the need to fight my corner. I did what they wanted originally and took the post down and I didn't abuse, argue or harass anyone. I was the one who was abused, harassed and publicly made a fool of which shows this morning with childish acts of immaturity.


I want to make my side known that all information in the deleted post, which will be reposted within this post because now the other party have no leg to stand on after the status was posted. That is why I'm doing it. I'm not doing it out of spite or to cause arguements, I am defending my side of this stupid blown out of proportion issue that could of been dealt with last night. But while you've been living out of mammy and daddy's pocket and never worked a day in your life, you clearly didn't learn how to have a bit of cop on.

 Well thought out! If they had of left it at last night, I probably would of stopped blogging altogether. Last night I felt so deflated that I felt writing wasn't worth the hassle. So I'm glad she's forming an army against my reputation as an apparent cyber bully.

I've decided to stand up for myself and not allow some yoke to say what I wrote was lies when it was the complete opposite and then bad mouth me for it.



As you will all see, I never bad mouthed the girl in any way. All that was written was the events leading up to the loss of a good friend. A friend that I now see who has multiple faces, an inability to withhold long-lasting relationships, and a narcissistic way of thinking that the world is jealous of her.


I will repeat: 

This was all dealt with last night and this is being reposted because No.1 felt she couldn't confront me about the blog, blocked me thinking I wouldn't see her page and writes an incriminating status about what I wrote. I felt because my blog post was deleted that I had no proof about what I said and as I know her to bitch constantly, as she has proven considering the amount of people agreeing with her, I didn't want her lies about me to spread and develop.

So here it is guys, the post that caused such uproar and put the final nail in a dead friendship resulting from No.1's multiple personality issues.

Enjoy :)

**********************************

It’s a tough situation when you and a friend are no more. But from experience, I usually find it’s always for the best. Recently, I lost my best friend, let’s call her ‘Lucille’ to a more superficial clique, and at the start, I felt very let down. I was there for her all through her ex-boyfriend troubles when he was hounding her, intimidating her and consistently persuading her to meet up at secluded places in secret last year to which she always did, regardless of what I’d say. At one stage she told her parents she was staying at my house when I didn’t even know she had said this. I was just an excuse she could use at the time. Even during drunken rants and hardship, I made sure to stick by her, because that’s what we did for each other.  I felt bad for her. She was lost and in love with an ugly person, both inside and out, but no matter how much she talked about the same stories over and over, how much she hated him and wanted shot of him, I always listened because that’s what friends do.
               
Now with her new friends who hang with the ex that caused her so much grief for nearly 2 years, I find it comical that these new companions are the same people she couldn’t give out enough about during the summer of 2014. When she was moving in with them in September, it was a case of “I’m going to be miserable with these people”, “I don’t want to be around them” and she was fearful of her happiness knowing she’d always be around this crew that she never clicked with in school. Information about how ‘psycho’ they are and ‘two-faced’ came around when she moved in with them, and I didn’t realise until now that when she was pointing fingers at them, she was really just describing herself. It’s sad that I thought I knew the kind of person she was, yet I’m glad to have found out the true identity of her now.

Isn’t it crazy how you know someone for nearly 10 years and it takes the final year for you to really realise who they are. I found it funny that this all started once before when she was with said ex-boyfriend, let’s call him “Dean” and he had her under lock and key, or so I was told. We never saw each other and she never went anywhere without him. Eventually she just stopped talking to me for a year and I missed her. It wasn’t until that year ended that I decided to write her on Facebook one last time just so she knew I was there. From that point on it was like the empty year never existed. All last year it was like the good times, having bants with each other and catching up on all our life scandals.

So I shouldn’t have been surprised when it came to her moving in with people linked to her ex that I was about to ignored once and for all. We were still friends up until November 2014. This girl, who was always on my side or vice versa if someone cancelled on us or left us hanging, her particularly if it was a guy who stood her up, yet she did it all the time.

The best one was just before my birthday when she was saying how we’d meet up more times before my big session. That never happened. Why? Because 3 weeks later, I was getting ready for my party. Leaving at 8pm, phone goes at 5pm. “Sorry I can’t go. Have to study.”

Fuck. Right. Off.

She was always at this, but I listened to her bullshit. She knew about my birthday for weeks and we were planning it together. So this was the final straw. I was sick and tired of being picked up and put down that I snapped and told her how things really were. She was a manipulative person who changed her personality depending on who she was around. She bitched constantly to me about her current friends so I know the same is being done about me right now. She even went to see her controlling ex-boyfriend who broke up with her a year beforehand just so they could go driving up the mountain together this time last year. Why bother with someone who chooses to act like this?

I saw she had this thing of being best friends with one clique then being friends with another and she’d make sure to blacklist her previous clique. One clique she had was with a girl named Lauren (who consented to being named in this piece) and another clique she had years later was a girl called “Ann”. She convinced me they were crazy, when both failed and she even had me believe one of them fancied her which was the reason for the end of the friendship, now I understand to be complete exaggeration. My opinion of both of them changed because of her stories, so now when I pass them, I have nothing but genuine sincerity towards them. Friendship can change you into one person, and looking back, basically she turned me into a right bitch! I couldn’t believe how many lies she fed me just so I became a part of her army of hatred towards them.

I did some thinking and I don’t hate her in any way for her odd pattern of hurting people. It’s clear that she doesn’t love herself and the constant boy trouble and trust issues are all linked to a lack of self-esteem. We all have problems and when it comes to my friends, I take them at face value. If you have shit to deal with, I’ll help all that I can.

But turn on me, and I write a blog :P

Sometimes people don’t treat you as well as they should, and a friendship can almost feel like a break up, because it is in a way. Having someone you turned to then dump you for people you know originally they thought were “full of themselves”. It says more about her than it does of me. I know where I stand with people. I tell them how it is, and my true friends understand this. I never fought once with ‘Lucille’, yet I did have a serious row with another best friend because I told too many harsh truths to her about her lifestyle choices, which now I know were out of line.

However, because she knows I say things not to be mean but to help her, we’re back friends now and there’s no bad blood. The difference is, I know with this friend, let’s call her “Tails”, that we can have disagreements and rows, not talk for a while, but we always resolve it in the end. We’re honest about our bitching and my opinions of anyone I bitch about have not changed. They will not change, and I feel sorry for people like ‘Lucille’ who will walk through life jumping from clique to clique all because she doesn’t really know who she is or what she wants.

That’s her journey and that’s her issue. But at least I don’t have to listen to her reoccurring boy problems anymore. That’s for the new clique to bitch about. So I wish her well and hope one day she doesn’t feel the need to take so many selfies on Facebook to make people like her. Because posting bikini pictures to get 20 likes really is aiming high in life...

Hope you guys appreciate this emotional piece. I will write a follow up of this piece entitled “Signs Your Best 
Friends Isn’t Really The Best”.

Stay true peeps <3

*****************************

Now, I know it's harsh, but what's so incriminating about this? As I said, it's not my fault this is the type of person this girl is and I'm not afraid to state the facts. Anyone who considers me a cyber bully is incorrect and she has a way of brainwashing people.

The girl I mentioned, Lauren, knows about this the most. I was told horrible things about this girl Lauren by No.1 and when I messaged Laurne today to see what the real story was, I was shocked. Our stories were the exact same. She had dumped Lauren to be friends with me and filled my head with nonsense and lies about Lauren to turn me against her.

To anyone who isn't poisoned by her, you can clearly see that now she is doing the same to me. And I'm one of at least 4 targets of hers and I won't be the last.

I can't believe it took me nearly 10 years to realise the true face of No.1, but I'm happy to say her "new" friends will find out just as quick. I laugh when I see the "love" they all share with her, because I know the true stories she told me about them, their boyfriends and the way they made her feel like shit. Now she's one of them and I'm glad she's found another pretty face to try on, because under the mask she wears is nothing but a need to be liked, but how can you be liked when you don't know who you are? 


I hope she finds her true identity, I doubt it's with the new edition of friends, but maybe some day she'll learn she can't treat people like this.

If you ask me to delete a post that's too harsh, fine. 

But you accuse me of cyber bullying without anything incriminating other than saying you take too many selfies, well I'm not taking that lying down.


I use my writing for expression, to relate to my audience, and from feedback, many people go through friendship break ups. So I openly and publicly apologise to the person that felt the piece was about her only because the truth bit you right in the ass!

Oh well.

So anyways, I wanted to finish this piece off with a nice, happy story to really sum up this whole situation:


:D
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1 comment:

  1. Hummmmm. Girls girls girls. How cute.
    Hey you remember me your blog pal. Dont wanna mention friend before I get shot in my butt.
    I was away for a long time but me here now.

    People will always break your heart you know but how you handle it matters a lot. Stay cool Pal.

    ReplyDelete