Thursday, 31 December 2015

Posted by Ordinarily Quirky On 08:31
One Night Stands Don't Lead To True Love

One night stands don't lead to long term relationships. That's just how it is. I mean, how could they?

I'll explain why through a make believe scenario. Here, we have the scene on a night where a one night stand will happen:

From a girl's point of view:

"This guy must really like me! He's buying me drinks, he paid for dinner, he even compliments me all the time! He's so nice, I wouldn't dream of turning down an opportunity to spend more time with him. I wonder is he a good kisser?! Or what he's storing downstairs, hmm! ;)"

From a guy's point of view: 

"She is gorgeous! I can't stop looking at her. The figure. Her smile. She keeps laughing with me and touching my arm. I'm in there! Just don't forget her name, eh, Maria was it? Shit. Pay attention! Look at eyes, not at boobs. Look at eyes  not at boobs! Yeah, I'm doing her tonight."

So we have a girl and a guy flirting at a bar, having great banter and liking each other's company. The drinks are flowing, the vision's a little blurry and both sides begin to think physical contact is better now because verbal communication is going down hill. Slurring isn't sexy, or understandable. But touching, groping and sloppy kissing says so much more!

And the sexy time commences. In the girl's mind, she's thinking how nice it is to be this close to a guy she likes and he's thinking not to come too quickly. She tries to make eye contact to make the moment more magical, but he doesn't look at her face. She thinks nothing of this and the guy soon finishes. Badda-Bing, Badda-Boom! Sleep time!

The next morning:

From a girl's point of view:

I hope he doesn't think I'm a slut. I couldn't resist him though. We had a great connection so I know he'll ring/text me later. My parents would get on with him so well. I can imagine my sister thinking he's so good looking and my brother can talk to him about rugby! Ahh, so happy. Can't wait to see him again! Maybe he'll invite me to the cinema to see that film we talked about last night. Buzzing!"

From a guy's point of view:

"Done and dusted! That was easy. No surprises there. I thought she'd be a bit more of a challenge, but obviously not. Can't believe how willing she was to stay! I thought she'd never leave! Can't imagine dealing with that for 50 years. 50 years having that sex with her forever?! No thank you! I'd rather someone who'd make it a bit more interesting. She probably gives it up to anyone anyways. Number deleted! Hmm, I'm starving..."

I'm aware that the scenarios are very much judging girls to be desperate, clingy and idealistic and the guys to be dickheads wanting to do anything with a pulse. But really peeps, this does happen,and I'm sure a lot of people have been in similar situations where one felt things were going great and the other just wanted one thing and then legged it. Whether you're a guy or girl, this shit goes on. 

Days and weeks pass with no more contact between the guy and girl and the girl feels like shit. She exposed her flaps to someone who doesn't even remember her name let alone want her number, so what was achieved by having sex on the first encounter? Nothing whatsoever!

 Or in another scenario, they meet up again, have sex and part ways in the same old pattern that would result in their relationship" fizzling out altogether. Either way, this situation could NEVER develop into a relationship.

Here's Why:

1. Both have experienced full sex with the other and so have left nothing to the imagination.

2. There's no chasing, flirting or challenge involved.

3. Half the fun is getting to know someone, but if sex happens during the first meeting, after a while, things get boring.

4. Chances are, you have nothing in common other than physical appearance, which is why one or both would rather sex than sitting together in a room chatting, so what would be the point in a relationship where 50% is chatting and communicating?

5. Sex is easy for people to have with strangers because there's no emotional attachment, unless you're totes clingy and really liked their bits and pieces! And so there's no risk of getting hurt with the added pleasure of getting some, it's a win win!

6. Realistically, I believe if someone doesn't have to work hard at all to get you into bed, they will subconsciously see you as an easy hunt and someone not worth the effort. Why? Because you gave them your all in one go and there's nothing left to look forward to.

I've seen a lot of people in a "relationship" who just have sex, don't put much effort into relationship aspects such as dates, getting to know family and friends, and basically live in a little bubble without mixing the other person into any other parts of their life other than in the bedroom. Because of this, the pattern of regularly getting hurt is obvious. This is because one person goes off with someone else, the reason being that person doesn't want a relationship with the other and/or knows the other will take them back regardless, so it doesn't actually matter if they cheat on them or not. 

So in this sense, yes relationships can form from one night stands (aka sex with a stranger during first day/night of meeting) and starting off with sex before getting to know the person, but the chances are they will end up being in a relationship where break ups are frequent, cheating is regular and at least one person is always getting hurt who is subsequently the one who goes back. All because of the first impression of giving yourself away so quickly. And it won't last either.

A one night stand is called a one night stand for a reason. It should only be ONE night. 

After that, leave them be and find someone who is worth knowing you as a person as well as a lover. Trust me, it's worth it over one moment of jizzing with a stranger! Or better yet, keep them guessing and do it AFTER you get to know them ;)

Keep it in your pants guys, even for a little while. You know it makes sense and you'll be glad you did in the end!

:) <3

What do you guys think? Can sex turn into a relationship? I'd love to hear your side of things!

Posted by Ordinarily Quirky On 06:34
The 'Mean Girls' Side To The Blogging Community

The blogging community is like a little hole in Twitter for, mostly girls (from what I've seen), to pretend to like each other just for the sake of having more followers than someone else. It's like the movie Mean Girls acted out in the blogging world. 

Let me explain.

I've admittedly become a Tweet-head and used Twitter for communicating with other bloggers, getting feedback about my own blog as well as discussing opinions about things I write and things other people write. 

To a stranger browsing through the tweets and contents, the blogging world appears very inviting and very friendly. People are paying each others compliments, following each other and retweeting each other's blog posts for better recognition.

From an insiders point of view, you know what I've seen over the last month and a half as an Underdog Blogger in the community? Complete bullshit.

To survive in the blog community, you have to read other people's blogs and give genuine comments about their posts which makes sense because you want people to do the same for you. Read your stuff and hopefully have an opinion on it. I've begun to do this and found some great writers and people who are writing for the love of writing which actually makes them really nice people too.

Then you have 

The Fakers.

1. Follow Me So I Look Better!

The Fakers are these people who have a lot of followers compared to someone like me, the Underdog Blogger, and you think "Wow, they must be great at writing!" and as naive as I was, I would tweet to them and think they were really nice. But after a month and a half, I began to realise I was just being used by them for their own blog promotion and they didn't give a toss about me or my writing.

 Some people are great bloggers and deserve the recognition they get, but others... Wow, in a different sense. Some people, for the sake of social appearance, follow other blogs on the condition that they are followed back. NO interest in the other person, what they write or tweet about. The Fakers just want high follow numbers to feel a sense of worth. I believe this is both trashy and shows how some people are more focused selfishly about their being "The Best" and use others to enhance their publicity instead of working alongside others.

You'll notice on my Twitter, my followers are roughly 130-140, and over a month and a half, I'm quite proud of that! But you know why it's not higher? Because I don't do this superficial "Follow for a Follow". I read other people's blogs, I follow them if I like their writing, and if they follow me back or not is their business. And this takes time, something I have recently because I'm on holidays, but when they're up, so is my time that's used to get to know other writers.

 Following others just so you can gain another follower proves that these bloggers gain more satisfaction by a high number rather than writing good quality content. And these don't deserve to be classed as writers as their sole purpose is using others for self-recognition.

2. Blog 24/7 Or Your Blog Dies!

I've also come to realise, you have to spend 24/7 blogging to keep your followers growing and to keep people reading. So to survive in the blogging community, you have to compete, compete, compete. I've become aware of how there are blogger chats every day on Twitter, usually around 7-8pm my time, and those who are proactive in these chats or are regulars, normally have more readers/followers. But who has time for that? I know I don't, so I don't take part that regularly!

I'm on Easter holidays, which is why I have been able to see how these chats work. But otherwise, when I'm in college, having snug time with Darren, or realising there's a world OUTSIDE of technology, it doesn't leave a lot of time for chatting. So to compete with bloggers who just blog forever, you're fucked in a way. This is because they have the time to spare and use every waking moment to write and work hard towards bettering their blog and fair play to those guys! 

And then there's the Fakers who tweet all day about their mulitple blogs and write anything that is not worthy of reading. 

3. Be One Of My Sheep 

Lastly, to conclude my rant at the in genuine aspect of the blogging community, is how there are cliques, and God forbid you don't want to become a part of it. This is because, again, they will bring all of their posse with them and leave your blog without "their support".

One group, which I grew sceptical of their intentions early on, was looking for people to write for their new blog and they asked me along with everyone else seen to be a part of the clique.

 And I declined. Why? Because they were building a blog based on OTHER people's writing. They had themes and posts to correspond with these themes, but barely any of the bloggers who started this blog wrote anything! AGAIN proving my point that they can't write and use other people's skills to gain publicity and popularity. I wasn't going to use my quick-wit, swearing and so I've been told 'humour' to benefit them for their blog's foundation.

I'm all for guest posting for other people and vice versa to help, but building your blog based on other blogger's submissions? Alriiiight.

Since then, I was shown the darker side to these bloggers who tried to start an argument with me through my inbox and I'm like "I don't even know you lot, you're giving out, yet I don't even know your name..." Lols. 

What made it bitchy? Because on the blog, they appeared 100% dedicated to other people, but behind that, they showed me that they were only focused on themselves for blog promotion and self gain. And that's what makes me laugh at bloggers who try to come across as inspiring writers who want to rid the world of everything negative. And yes, I have posts that are positively written, but I also have these not-so-happy posts. And to me, this is what writing is. Being honest, being direct but most importantly...

It's writing about things that others are too afraid to acknowledge

Such as the blogging community having a huge amount of girls competing to be the best and as a result, reeks of fake compliments, behind the back bitching and gaining sheep as followers to be seen as 'popular'.

And for this post I will probably be shunned. But atleast I took the time to write what I thought and didn't write with "This should get me lots of followers!" in the back of my mind. More so with thoughts of "This is wrecking my head, I'm going to give out about it online."

What do you guys think? Have you ever noticed any of the above going on in the blogging community? Comment all and any opinions below, I'd love to hear what you think!

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Posted by Ordinarily Quirky On 09:58
2015: Another Year Of Life Lessons

Firstly, I'd like to say that being AWOL from Ordinarily Quirky gave me time to really see the world and how it works. But like a thunder strike, I've come to realise writing for Ordinarily Quirky is something I really love and want to continue to do as an interest/hobby of mine, but not to the point it takes over my life.

 I can't wait to get back into it and what better way than by reflecting on this fab year. So read on to see what wisdom I've gained so far!

1. Blogging Isn't Everything. 
One thing I lost sight of when my blog was booming during the first half of 2015 was that blogging became an addiction. I was spending more time looking at screens and allowing opinions of others take control of what I did with my life and my writing. I've come to see that writing is something that shouldn't be done for views, for comments or for recognition. It's a way of reflecting personal growth and verbalising the world through an individual perspective. 

It shouldn't come at a cost of losing those around you, more so it should be to exert a healthy way of depicting life experiences and how others can learn from them. So now that I'm back, I feel I come back with a new sense of self and the knowledge that writing should be a fun escape, not a weapon to use against others.

2. Technology Break-Aways Are Amazing
By deleting everything on my social media dashboard, I felt such a wave of relief, not because being connected is a bad thing, but it consumed me and I neglected the ones I loved as a result. It also made me feel pretty bad about myself because I relied on notifications and likes as a way to judge my self worth which is no way to see yourself at all.

 So going cold turkey for a while was the best thing I could have done. 
The weirdest aspect was realising how much time I actually did have, and the scary part was not knowing what to do with it. I had relied so much on filling those extra 5-10 minutes with Facebook scrolling that when I left Facebook, it was a little daunting.

I came back to the connected world because eventually I realised that this is how people communicate with each other these days. Just because it's different to 50 years ago, doesn't mean it's wrong. Once you use social media to learn, teach, keep up with family/friends and share funny cat pictures, then there's no harm. Know that when you can't be without your phone for at least 24 hours and feel the urge to log onto your Facebook using someone else's, then you have a problem.

Escaping the connected world is so lovely, but I couldn't do it forever, barely 3 months in fact! I think by coming back, I don't see the point in updating my status so often or needing to be on it the entire time. Because if you leave Facebook, it's not like it'll disappear. Everything you would have seen if you were on it every minute will still be there if you forget it for a day. 

Life goes on in many other ways that do not include Facebook.

So try it. Just for one day. What's the worst that could happen?!

3. Being A People Pleaser Is So Bad For You

Being a people pleaser is laying yourself down as a doormat for others to take advantage, putting their happiness before your own. And it doesn't need to be a severe version of taking advantage as you might think. People pleasing is: 

1. Saying yes to something/someone when in your heart you wish you had the confidence to say no, just because you don't want to. 

2. It's laughing within a group who are being rude about someone you know doesn't deserve being talked about, but you don't want to be ridiculed by them next so you laugh regardless. 

3. It's allowing people you deem 'above' you or 'superior' to be nice to your face so you'll feel accepted by them, when really they never will, and you know this. 

But this is life. People merge with people with common interests and usually types of humour come into play here too, aka if you have one, your posse have one, if you and your posse don't have a sense of humour, well sure look, as long as you're happy together! But people also try and become something they're not, usually by combining with people who don't share the same values, beliefs or banter, which is where people pleasers are born.

I've learned that it's okay to say no to something/someone and it's even better to not give an excuse. We feel bad for saying no when really we shouldn't. Our priority should be our love of self, then others, because if we're not happy, how are we expected to make others happy in our company?

People pleasing takes away from our personal happiness, whether it be something big or small, it eats away a piece of you. Don't ever be afraid to say no if you don't want to do something, never part take in conversations that you feel are of no benefit to you and don't think that just because you are in a group of people that they are your friends. Some of the best enemies come with a double face mask.

4. Eating Healthy Really Makes You Feel Like A Stun Hun

When myself and the boyfriend took on a healthier lifestyle before Halloween, we felt amazing having salads for dinner and feeling full after it. I mean, you can actually feel fuller after a salad, whaaaaat! And I noticed when I'd gorge over the Christmas, I didn't feel as fab. I felt yuck to be honest. Fat. Sluggish. Ugh. I mean, at the start, the change back to a crappier diet was like heaven. But the extra sugar made me crash, I was sick throughout and I had no interest in doing anything other than consuming junk food and drink.

I can't wait to get back into eating healthier because when my body is buzzing, so am I. People are drawn to those who are genuinely happy inside and the best feeling is knowing you've just eaten something that will benefit your body and make you feel fine gurl!

Overall, 2015 was a great year. I've made it to 2016 with my parents, my Shan Fan, a great group of crazies and my Darry Warry so there's nothing more I need. 
Enjoy the last 2 pages of your 2015 book because whether they are amazing or awful, know that the next book is a new start to bigger and better things.

And it all starts with you.

Happy 2016 :)